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 Jordan is a young adult now. He has matured in such good ways, and developed sensible caution, and the ability to think ahead. Praise God from Whom all blessings flow! A solution to his night troubles wasn't found until he was in his late teens, when we moved up to the mountains, out into the country. By this time, I knew I could trust him not to get lost, or hurt; not to do reckless things in the night. I showed him all the things he could do now, if he could not sleep. Here, he could take a flashlight, and watch the sheep playing in the barnyard. He could turn on the light and radio in the barn. He could give the cows a little extra hay for a midnight snack. He could watch the ducks and geese splashing and quacking, as they did in the night. He learned to watch out for the skunks, and quietly and slowly move away when he saw them. He loved to hear the coyotes yipping, and would tell me every morning, which ridge, which ravine he had heard them in. He had a television in his room, also. But forget television. This was the real world! And, of all things, he began to sleep much better, for the first time in his life! He has the choice to take, or not to take his sleeping pill. Since being given that choice, I find that he does not take it, unless he wakes up in the middle of the night, and can't go back to sleep. He no longer needs Ritalin.
At last, Jordan is able to sleep in a place without restriction. There is no road for him to get to. He does not walk the 3/10th of a mile out to the county road alone at night. He knows he could meet a bear, and that idea does not appeal to him. He is safe during the day, too. Just about every twenty acres up here, there is a farmhouse. And old logging roads wind all over the mountains. He knows to follow a logging road if he ever gets lost, until he comes to a house. He knows to knock, tell the person he is lost, and ask politely to call home. He carries our phone number with him at all times, because he cannot memorize it. He stays on the lanes and logging roads of our land, and is content. He has never become lost. I'm certain he will not.
Jordan has such a kind heart. There is an elderly couple who live up the mountain from us, and he regularly hikes up the lane to check and see how they are doing. He likes to follow the lane farther up, to the young family about a mile from us - friends of ours, who have four young children, to play with them. He's good with them, but gets them all keyed up and wild. He has learned to call first, and see if it would be a good time to come.
Jordan has been accepted with open arms at the little country church our daughter Katie attends. People take turns driving them, Wednesdays and Sundays. They are both in the youth group, even though they are much too old. While we were in the city, we never found a church that would accept them. At first he did a lot of showing off, but now he is much better about behaving in a quiet way at church. I am so happy that Jordan has Christian fellowship this way, because he is saved; and worshipping with others is such a blessing. He tells me about his own personal walk with Christ, and I am so very happy, deep in my heart. He sings the songs he learns at church, while he works. Here is a picture of Jordan and myself.
He is so bright, that he knows what he is missing. It is difficult for him, being aware of all that he lacks. Imagine having such an active mind, and being mentally hindered to such a degree! He can only painstakingly print his first name on a paper, with the "n" always done backwards. Yet he can, with his dad's help, (now that I am married) mix cement, build fences, dig ditches, run the rototiller, and effortlessly stack fifty pound sacks of grain, and hundred pound bales of hay. He is eager to do these things, using his muscles, feeling important, and being approved of. With my guidance, he takes good, and responsible care of farm animals. He loves driving the riding lawn mower, (no blades running) to pull things around the farm in the little trailer behind it; and enjoys life thoroughly, in this place where he can succeed. He is an active learner, an eager learner, with a farm's physical tasks, and he is strong. He also is marvelous at easily lifting his adult brother Joey, who is profoundly retarded, and a little too heavy for me to lift. Getting Joey in and out of his wheelchair is easy, with Jordan's help. Jordan loves being in this place where he is needed, and a success.
He enjoys working with his dad. They are working right now on Jordan's new cabin, close to the house. At this point, Jordan has put up all the insulation, my husband has run the electric lines, and Jordan is so excited. Next is the sheetrock. It will be all finished, and cozy by the time snow flies! We've had a sign made, to hang above his door that says "Jordan's Cabin." A woodsman's cabin, he calls it!
Until his cabin is finished, Jordan still lives in our 28' motor home by our home, at the edge of our forest, and feels tremendous pride that it is "his own" home. He treasures his independence. He is far enough away so his music doesn't bother me, but close enough so that I would hear him if he called me. He loves seeing deer pass his windows. His three adult sisters who are also independent, have bedrooms in the house. They also each have a trailer for summer fun, down on the other side of the house, in the lower meadow. Jordan is not allowed down there, and he does not go. There are three sisters, and whoever saw him would tell on him. He knows. We don't allow propane, for fear of fire. But everyone has a microwave oven, a fridge, and a free-standing electric heater, which cannot catch fire, being built like a radiator. Every month I take Jordan, as well as his sisters shopping, and help him choose the foods he likes the best, to make for himself. He knows how to make microwave popcorn. He can cook himself eggs, sausages, and pancakes in his electric skillet at four in the morning, if he wants to. If he's out of eggs, he can take his flashlight, and go look for some in the hen-house. I trust him now, not to let paper or other flammables get near heat. But not enough to let him have a toaster. It's too easy for a paper or cloth to end up on top of a toaster. He toasts bread in his skillet. I remind him during the month, to tell me when he runs out of something. I write down what he tells me he has run out of, so he can eventually learn what he needs to buy next month. He plans, and cooks his own breakfasts and lunches, like his adult sisters do. I cook dinner for everyone, unless the "kids" decide to do a barbecue together out back.
Jordan has a good life now. I don't pretend to know his future. I am satisfied that he is happy with the present. He has grown past his bumpy childhood at last, and reached a place of success and independence that pleases us all. I am certain that he will grow more and more responsible, as the years pass. He continues to make very great progress in patience, and in controlling his temper when angry. He talks to me instead, and we work things out together. He will develop more skills. He does some work for community farmers and a horse ranch, and earns some money. His older sister Katie does this, and taught him how. In the meantime, receiving S.S.I., and being happy at home with his family, makes a simple, but satisfying life for him. God is good. When he is twenty-two, he will receive food stamps, and by then, I think he'll be quite well able to budget his food, and be able to get some more freedom in what he buys.
He gets along well with his older sisters. They usually spend time together in the evenings, watching DISH network television, or rented DVDs that come in the mail. He also watches videos in his own "room" when he wants to. He is able to explain when he feels bad, instead of flying into a temper. But he is almost always a cheerful, upbeat person, and a very happy one, at that.
Tonight, he headed out for bed early. He had said good-night earlier, then watched a half of a movie. I stuck my head out the door. "Going to bed, Jordan?" I called. He turned around. Barefoot, and without a jacket in the chill night. I give him the dignity of doing this, and no longer ask him not to, though it's been raining all day. He pointed at the sky. "Yep. Look, mom, the moon is out!" He smiled, and so did I. "Oh, and stars too!" I exclaimed. "Sweet dreams!" We told each other. And another good day is completed. Here is a picture of Jordan and his dad.
Well, it's October, 2004, and Jordan and his dad just completed Jordan's very own little cabin! It's very close to the main house, and is very pretty. Jordan learned a lot about building, through the months of this project. He put in all his own insulation, dad installed the electricity and light fixtures, etc., and they worked together on sheetrock, taping and mudding. Jordan and his sister Katie painted it with two coats of white. It's a beauty to behold, and he began moving in yesterday! He drives our riding lawn mower, with the trailer behind it, up to the motor home, to load it up with his things, and drive them down to his cabin. He certainly loves that part!
Right now, he just finished hanging up curtains, putting up posters, and arranging his furniture and kitchen stuff on this sunny day in the mountains! He has his food cupboard, little frig, microwave oven, waffle maker, coffee maker, electric frying pan, and on and on and on. This is one happy day for my beloved son! Jordan has even has carved a jack-lantern, and has it lit on his little porch each evening! He is absolutely thrilled! And he was in before the snow - it snowed for the first time three days ago!
It's January, 2006. Since last October, we've been working on a new goal for Jordan: to help him move out into his own little apartment in town, with a daily aide coming in to help him. It takes quite a lot of time to organize his support system - the help he will need, to manage his money, to help him learn to heat TV dinners in the oven, to teach him how to get places from his apartment, who to call for a ride to grocery shop, etc. He knows what to do if he gets sick (call me, or our family doctor) or needs to go to the hospital (call 911) and ever so many other skills necessary to live on his own.
Living in his own cabin has helped him learn a lot of true independence. However, he is such a social person, that since his sister moved out on her own, he's just got too much time on his hands, and I think he needs more friends and things to do. So this year, hopefully this spring, his life will turn to a new experience. He is looking forward to it with much eager anticipation.
We have talks all the time now, about life in an apartment. I've been emphasizing to him NOT to pound nails, hanging up blankets on all the windows and over the doorway, for instance. (That is something he has done since childhood.) And NOT to turn up music loudly after 9 or whatever time the rules say. Since he has always had a tendency to look in our windows from outside, I have emphasized to him that it is against the law, and he could be put into jail for peering into other people's windows. This amazed and horrified him, and I'm glad. I hope he remembers.
So there are lots of new things for him to learn! He asks me all kinds of good questions, like what happens when a light bulb burns out - will the apartment give him a new one, or will he have to buy them ... you can see he's thinking well! It's an exciting time - a new adventure! He has asked me about dating. The details are something he truly needed to know. Yet it's even hard for me to explain when the future hasn't come yet. He's going to be seeing a counselor, and I'm depending on him to help Jordan, as time goes by, and situations present themselves.
March 1, 2006 I have applied with Jordan for apartments, with help, and he's on waiting lists. His anticipation grows. He's nearly twenty-two, and his future is close at hand!
March 20, 2006. Jordan and I have moved past microwave, grill, toaster, and electric frying pan cooking, and have moved on to crockpot cooking! I told him to pretend that all the food in our home is his, and to pick it out, put it in, and make his own dinners. The best thing about crock pot cooking on low, is that you can't burn it, you can't wreck it, and when you come back, it will smell SOOOOOOO good!
You see, the good thing is that if you put the crock pot on low, you can fix it the night before, and wake up to a wonderful scent in the morning! (Or start early in the day.) Then, as the day goes by, you can add more things. The first thing he needed to do is pick meat from the freezer; perhaps add dried beans, choose from spices like garlic, pepper, barbecue sauce, worcestershire sauce, chili, etc., and fresh vegetables like celery. Later or the next day he can add onions, dehydrated vegetables, more spices, and anything he likes ... it depends what will fit by then!!!
My son can cook quite a good variety of food, without reading or being able to measure at all. Besides crock pot dinners, he can cook: tuna noodle pea dish, noodles hamburger cheese dish, hamburger manwich sloppy joe mix over toast, toasted cheese sandwiches, toasted tuna sandwiches, spaghetti, hot dogs, and hamburgers.
April 21, 2006 - it is only ten days now, until my dear son moves into his own little studio aparment in town. It's only 100 square feet, with a stove, sink and frig, and he shares a bathroom across the hall. Eight people live on that floor. The good news is that it only costs $285.00 per month, so he has some money left over to spend! That's another good thing about living in a small town.
The network of help for him is really complex. We finally got to the point where he got his own Plan Developer, who now has arranged for a household help aide to come to his apartment at dinner time every day and teach him how to cook dinner. The Plan Developer also has arranged for a special needs place to offer him cooking classes, or any other thing he wants to learn, I guess, and it's okay that he can't read or write. I am fascinated by the description of a word-less cook book - all instructions in pictures, and using color coded measuring cups. I explained how he doesn't fill them all the way up, and a few other hints on things he needs help with still. These people will help him learn his way around town, and all kinds of things. The state has hired these people with Medicaid funds, which is wonderful. I had no idea such things existed. In the old days, people like my children were simply stuck in institutions. Now each one is given their best chance at the most independence. I am proud of our government in this.
The only thing that alarms me is the long list of rules he will have to follow, in his apartment. Oh, how I hope he can make it! He had to sign the list, stating that he had read the rules (they know he can't read) and agrees to abide by them (understandable). Apparently, it is I who will have to remind him of them, and teach them to him. There are five apartments above some offices. Two other mentally disabled young men live in two of them. Jordan is such an instigator - he gets excited so easily, and he is truly funny. I worry that he'll get the other young men laughing and horsing around, and slamming doors, and that's against the rules. Oh, boy. He has his own kitchen, but has to share a bathroom. He wonders if the other guys will get mad at him for taking such long showers. I told him he'll have to work that out with them.
Jordan has been thinking carefully about all these rules. He has come up with good thoughts. "Mom, if I can't make noise and bother the neighbors, does that mean I can't burst out laughing in the night, when the movie is funny?" I'm proud of him. I know he'll do his best. He has grown MUCH more mature just in the last six months. He's twenty-two now. Six months ago, I don't believe it would have been possible. But now I have great hopes that it will work out well. I'll be his S.S.I. payee, and pay his bills. Then I send the rest of his money for the month to the budget lady, who will dole it out to him every week. It seems that they have thought of just about everything.
December 9, 2006 - Jordan has been living in his own one room studio apartment for seven months now, with great success! I just received a compliment that means so much to me! The lady who handles his money, and financial things told me she likes him so much, because he's so nice! She has many clients who moan and groan and complain all the time, and Jordan is polite and nice and cooperative! She also loves the way he gets up with the alarm clock, gets ready, and goes down to the street the meet the handicap bus to take him to classes. She has clients that miss the bus, or refuse to go, etc. Hallelujah! I never thought I would hear such a thing and I'm thrilled! All those years of steady, consistant training WERE worth it! I'm so happy for my son.
Jordan is kept very busy. Five days a week there are "classes" for him to attend, or groups like "men's group" where they take the men who are disabled out for fun things. They encourage everyone to interact and make friends. He has had a girl friend for a while now. One of the classes is the "money lady" spending an hour with Jordan, talking about money, trying to help him make good grocery lists, and then giving him his week's allowance. Another "class" is someone taking him grocery shopping, and guiding what he buys, to be sure he gets what he needs, and will have enough money at the check-out stand. If his frozen food won't fit in his little freezer, the company lets him keep it in their big freezer with his name on it. Another class is a lady who comes to his little apartment, and helps teach him to cook. Measuring is an ongoing goal.
The other company that is helping Jordan handles other things, like the time he spilled a container of grease on his rug, and it got tracked across the hall to the community bathroom, while he tried to clean it up. The landlady called me, quite irate, and I apologized, and called the lady who handles these things, and she fixed it up. No more stress for me. Wow! It is so unbelievable that he has behaved himself so well for over seven months, that this is the very first complaint, and it wasn't even bad behavior, just an accident!
Jordan spends the weekends at his girlfriend's sister's house, with a bunch of her family, and has a lot of fun. He especially enjoys playing games with his girlfriend's sister's husband. They really like him. Several of them have talked to me, and mentioned how caring he is about others. That is true, too. He is both caring and forgiving. When he ever gets lonely, which isn't often, he calls me. Bless his heart, he even thanks me for being here to talk to! What a sweetie! I never would have dreamed, when he was growing up, that we would come to such a good place in life as this! I praise God. He'll be twenty-three next April, and has done some wonderful maturing just in the past two and a half years.
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